Our esteemed friend, colleague, and percussionist Joe Vala weighs in on recent developments in the professional game in America:

On Tuesday, another independent soccer team gave up their rights to be themselves and instead chose to be absorbed by our version of D1 soccer in the United States. Who they are is irrelevant to me: Other than the fact that we have to compete with them to win a league title I didn’t give a crap about them yesterday, and I won’t care about them tomorrow. But, I DO love the game and have since I was a young boy.* It and it always feels like a another nail is being slammed into a coffin every time I hear an announcement like this.

*Anyone that says “Wow, you remember being young?” is off of my Christmas Card list 😊

Why? Dear sweet baby Jeeebus, it sure has nothing to do with joining the MLS Country Club. You can keep it. It is because I believe the more control that MLS and SUM get over soccer in this country, the less chance we ever have of garnering the support for the league nation wide that the rest of the world has for their respective first divisions.

Now, before I begin to explain why, an aside about what we’re seeing up the road …

I grew up in the New York sports market, so when I see Cincinnati talking about how “big” they are, I just kinda giggle. In the two leagues that they have teams in, they are by far one of the smaller potatoes. When you mention most of the other cities that have teams in those leagues … Los Angeles, Chicago, Orlando, Sad Diego, New York, Washington D.C. etc., an image comes to mind. Usually, it is NOT of a sports team. Frisco? Golden Gate bridge. LA? Hollywood, palm trees. Miami? Beaches and people who waste way too much time stressing about their sun tans. You get the point.

Now, when I say Cincinnati … ?

Exactly.

Like many other smaller metro areas that have D1 teams, it is a place stuck between “big town” and “large city” that rigorously fights for their identity. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, of course. Everyone should be proud of their home. I actually like many parts of Cincinnati, especially the parts that are in Kentucky.

When a place like Cincy, which is constantly fighting for their identity, has pretty much nothing to add to the national conversation or garners nationwide attention on a regular basis for any of their events … unlike Derby?? … they find anything that will bolster their civic pride in the eyes of the rest of the country. “Hey, we’re here … come try our chili!” They want to hang with the big kids. In their minds, a franchise in MLS or the NFL or MLB helps them do that, to identify to something “big” and “important” … neither of which describes MLS by the way (but shhhhh don’t tell them).

Now, even though it’s kinda fun, the point of this is to not take potshots at Cincinnati or FCC. Like I said, although I have met many, many amazing people that I call friend from that area actually enjoy several parts of, I generally have no shits to give about the place … well, maybe I have a “trigger” in my brain; the worst date of my life occurred there. Please feel free to ask me about my “Poor Oscar” experience … but I digress. The point is, there are places in this country similar to Cincinnati, and unlike Louisville, that ferociously identify through their sports teams. Now, add in the fact that those teams have had next to zero success in the last 30 years, and you kinda start to get it. Here is a “Pro Team” being jingled and jangled in front of their snouts that hypnotically moves them away from the apocalyptically deplorable state of what they have been experiencing for decades, that is marketed towards a specific group to make them feel pride in their city.

Actually, I think it’s a masterpiece of marketing. There is a lust to win at ANYTHING there to make people feel better about their community, and Berding is capitalizing on that. Who knew that tears could be alchemized into gold, yeah? He is to be applauded.

And they, along with the folks in all of the areas that now have or are lusting for MLS franchises, have no idea how hard they’re being played. It’s a money grab, kiddos. Nothing more. Nothing less. Always has been.

So … why do my eyes glaze over when people tell me about how awesome MLS is?

Absolutely no disrespect to those of you who like the league or one of it’s octopus arms (teams), but those of you that know me already know that I am no fan of what is frightfully marketed as “Major League Soccer.” If you can find another D1 soccer league who literally forces their lower divisions into being considered “minor” simply by it’s name please let me know. Depending on the events of the day, my feelings towards it from it’s inception have always vacillated between indifference to utter loathing. Since my first visit over 20 years ago to Giants Stadium to watch the then NY/NJ Metrostars (still trying to figure that one out) when I was still living out there, to my last incursion into one of their stadiums to see Tim Cahill play for the New York (??) Red Bulls, I just never developed an interest. The whole thing never seemed natural and continues to be a pale imitation of what I consider to be the real thing in Europe, Africa, and South America. It just doesn’t feel “real” in any great sense and reminds me more of a county fair than a sporting event.

My definition of “real thing”, you ask? Fair question …

My non-soccer friends have always asked “Why are the fans overseas so crazy?” I tell them that based on my knowledge, this is the only sport that is truly a community based sport where you can obtain D1 status. COMMUNITY based … towns and boroughs are literally linked to their team and it’s success through their performance and also truly share in the failures. Why? Pro/Rel … ok ok ok, I know … I’m not going to get into the pros and cons (yes there are both) or how I feel … but is it quite literally where that passion comes from. A person or group invests in a team in a community. The local citizens get behind it and support it from both and emotional and financial standpoint. It begins to improve. Eventually, though it’s on field performance, It may be promoted. The local supporters, who played an active role in that process (unlike in a place like Miama where they literally did nothing) share in the elation, and quite frankly, the financial impact as well. It then may be relegated. Same thing, the sadness is shared, and there is a financial loss.

The joy and sorrow is COMMUNITY based and the link is not purely emotional.

Example: I have a cousin who lives in Madrid and has supported Real Madrid, or “Los Blancos” as he calls them, since he was a child. We often chat on Facebook where I usually have to use a tranlator app (Yes, I’m embarrased that my functional conversing ability in Spanish is still basically 2^nd grade level at best. I balance this shame with knowing I may be the only person on earth that understands my mom’s version of Spanglish. We’re talking “Windtalker” level stuff here). However, he lives in a section of the area called Leganés, which is just outside of the city proper. Very long story short, but since their birth about 90 years they were finally promoted to La Liga a couple of years ago for the very first time. I called him directly when it happened. Now, I know my Spanish is horrible, but I do know tears of joy when I hear them. He couldn’t even talk. Mind you, he was/is a Real supporter … but he was so proud of his community’s team and what they had done to finally EARN a promotion through their field performance, that he literally couldn’t talk.

And no matter where you live in this country, you will not be able to experience this … unless, of course, a lot of people come watch. It’s all about size, folks. There will be no Leganés, or Huddersfield Town, or any other “small” community allowed to sit at the table.

It’s about size, not quality.

This makes MLS is the only soccer league in the world that is driven purely by penis envy. Maybe Don Garber needs to talk to someone about that …

So, first off … MLS is NOT community based. It is REGIONALLY based. They decided to follow the model of the Big Four pro sports here in the hopes of mirroring their success. That is why you have stadiums in the middle of nowhere (See: Toyota Park) as oppposed to stadiums like Anfield and Goodison Park, which are literally built dead square in the middle of residential areas, and teams with names like “New England” and “Colorado” as opposed to “Everton” and “Queens Park”, which represents areas within large cities like Liverpool and London.

This is why I also constantly rant on about a team that has never played in New York being called “New York”. Those who question me immediately point to the Giants and Jets in the NFL who play in East Rutherford NJ and say “Well … ??” … to which I immediately remind them that both teams started in NY and because of marketing rules, were not allowed to change even if they wanted to.

Folks, I come from a very soccer savvy town and area. We are multi-generational fans. We understand the concept of the game being community based. So when this company tried to peddle a team in my hometown area as “New York”, it was already over. The vast majority of people who trek into that horribly designed stadium (it quite literally looks like it is built in the middle of a garbage dump) come from central and south Jersey. The vast majority of people who still live there from mine, and younger, generations are utterly indifferent to it. They might as well put up a cricket court there.

Think on that for one second: The towns that were literally the birthplace of the game in this country completely ignoring a D1 team right in their backyard … to the point where the signs that lead into Harrison say “Home Of Red Bull ARENA” … not even the name of the team … no banners. No signs. No bumper stickers. I know of ONE restaurant in Keany/Harrison that has a couple of faded flags outside of their establishment (Spanish Pavillion. Go there. The sangria is a religious experience). That’s it.

(Still not convinced I have a point here? Let’s momentarily revist the backlash released by some of my beloved Kentuckian Purple brethren when the rumor was floated about moving the team to New Albany. That’s in Indiana. New Albany, INDIANA. Thank you for conceding my point)

This sentiment is echoed at most stadiums throughout the league. There is literally no connection to a community within the area. It is plopped to somehow engulf an entire region. That’s not soccer. That’s … I dunno, a kingdom. Or a serfdom. Some kind of dum …

Blech.

Now add in the fact that there are many, many communities within these Garber Zones that are filled with folks who emigrated here to the US that already adhere to this idea, and you now see at least a partial reason why half of the MLS stadiums cant get anywhere close to capacity on a regular basis regardless of how well they are competing. Miss me with that “paid attendance” stuff, please. If people aren’t there watching it, the only thing that counts is the money. You’ll literally be making my point for me.

Lastly, as The Spurning continues, more and more communities will not only ignore that business, but they will learn to hate it. Keep in mid that MLS is the only league in this country that has to actively compete against many, many products that far surpass them in popularity, money, and quality. Of course, there are places where a big league sport is ignored. I seriously doubt the NFL has a bigger following in Norman, OK or in Tuscaloosa, AL than for their local college teams, but I also seriously doubt the good folks there have any real negativity towards it.

SO, I pose the question: How does MLS increase it’s popularity in cities like Charlotte, Louisville, Indianapolis, Tampa Bay, Phoenix, Baltimore, Las Vegas, etc., when the fan bases actively continue to despise or simply ignore the company and have independent teams of their own? Maybe you see another avenue that greatly increases the popularity of MLS in spite of this, but I sure don’t. And based on the business model, I seriously doubt they care.

SO what does that tell you? That the investor groups want to expand soccer in the country, or are perfectly happy to SUPPRESS the growth of the league and either damage/destroy/subjugate teams in the aforementioned cities if they try to break out on their own? How scary is THAT thought?

And that is at the crux now of my hatred for that league: Eventually, USL will try to puff it’s chest. MLS WILL respond. It is at that point the Louisville City and many other independently owned teams may have to fight for their very freedom and existence because an entity that claims to be about soccer will either do it’s absolute best to either kill or enslave a soccer team.

It’s coming. Hope you are ready for it.

So … Worlwide soccer is community based. MLS is not. That is why as long as there are communities in and out of cities that are “blessed” with a Garber franchise, and as long as we have options both locally and on cable to watch those that are all over the world, with a financial structure literally built to force it into perpetual mediocrity (more on that below) it will never capture the imagination of the country.

End of dicussion on point one.

Also, The MLS designed itself to protect their investors from such a potentially frenetic situation that they assumed pro/rel would generate. When you’re in, you’re in. AND … when other people want it and are deemed worthy? Hey Sparky, you get a part of it! MLS will always have it’s versions of the Cleveland Browns (see: New England Revolution) who will never have to fight for anything. Why? The investors are still getting a piece of the big SUM pie. And … when I say “it’s versions of the Browns”, I don’t mean from a competitive standpoint. Of COURSE, there are always bad teams. BUT … you don’t have the privilege of being as apathetic as the Browns have been in a league like EPL because if you do, see ya … enjoy the lower divisions. Yo HAVE to invest. You HAVE to spend more than you make. You HAVE to care.

In order to have, you must HAVE.

Go ahead and try to tell me that the Bob Krafts or Anthony Precourts of that company (of which there are many) care one iota about their “clubs” (BAHAHAHAHAHA … “Clubs”). Just please, do it from a safe distance: Getting my spittle or gastric juices on you from the 3.2 Richter scale belly laugh that ensues from your ridiculous utterance in the affirmative would be kinda gross.

D1 soccer here in the States is not about performance on the pitch, folks. It is entirely about cosmetics: How pretty is it? How nice is the wrapper? How sanitized is the environment? etc … The LAST thing it has been about for a long time, if ever, is the quality of the performance, at least in the sense that how well the team plays is trumped by how much the powers that be can make money off of the people that support the teams.

Does MLS care about the quality of play? That’s easy … as it relates to the bottom line? No. Hell no, even. Other than fleecing people for money by using a product they lust for (My friends, if the same ownership group could make more money off of marketing plungers or bubble wrap, they’d do it in a heartbeat), what DO they care about? Well … Competitiveness. Entertainment. Parity. Control. They absolutely do care about that stuff because their marketing strategy continues to be how close the teams are from a competitive standpoint to garner interest in the fan bases of the teams. That is why half the league makes the playoffs: I, the avid lover of the San Jose Dirtshakers (or whatever their name is) loves a “team” that almost always has a chance to get to the tournament to decide who wins the title of “Cleanest Restaurant”, or “League Champion”, or whatever they put on the plaque. So therefore, I’ll watch it.

How is that working on a national basis? Go check for yourself. It ain’t. But anyway …

Now ponder this: If I live in a Garber Zone, I’m asked to support my beloved “club”, but he gets to make the final call on who plays on it and how much the “owner” gets to spend on it’s personnel. So … he will quite literally and quite likely be put in a position to eventually make a decision to HAMPER the “club” in order to maintain parity, especially if it has a negative impact on how much money his company makes. You all, this is not a theoretical. This happens. And it sucks.

So as I view it, MLS is a parody created though parity. It is a company that owns and controls the destiny of each and every team and sells the illusion that they don’t. It is not magnanimous or caring in any sense of the words: It is a honest-to-goodness, balls-to-the-wall capitalist venture that will either engulf or obliterate any perceived competitor to control and corner the market. So yes; in order to maintain their cash flow, Major League Soccer will quite comfortably KILL soccer teams in America to do that. If you really do love the game at any level, it’s kinda heartbreaking if you dwell on that for any length of time …

Mostly, it is a business that USES soccer for the profit a select few, and one of the ways they measure the amount is how blind folks are that come to their events and give them money.

And for the reasons stated that’s why I think, for lack of a better or nicer word, it is absolutely fucked.

Anyone who aspires to be owned by Don Garber can keep it, with my blessings. I’ll pass.

It’ll come off as “jealousy” to those who love MLS teams, but like I said … barf. To any new team fan I say: Best wishes, have fun, and enjoy the fish. And if this is allowed to be posted, there will eventually be a part two on whether or not I’d support LouCity if it was invited to buy a franchise. I’ll save it …

In all sincerity, my hats off to the Cincinnati faithful. There is criteria to buy a franchise in that company. By Berding using their citizens’ identity crisis, they have been checked off. And if by “promotion”, you mean “If I meet the requirements to by a McDonalds, I am therefore ‘promoted’ to ‘Restaurant Owner’ … then yeah, they are “promoted”.

But tomorrow morning, Louisville City will be owned by Louisville City and it’s rather bright, long term future quite literally lies directly in our hands though our support.

However, FC Cincinnati will be owned by MLS and its future is NOT predicated on its support.

If Berding and Lindner keeps making money through other entities connected to MLS, he’ll stay … regardless of performance. If by DAMAGING the progress of the team on the field in order to get paid, he will do the exact same thing. And if Garber, and NOT Lindner, sees another more lucrative opportunity, the team will be toast.

But that’ll never happen, right Cincinannti or any other wannabe? Your team is forever … yes?

Look north. They thought the same thing 20 years ago.

MLS “Promotion” …

May we forever be protected from that reward.