It’s June 13th. Thirteen is, for some reason, a lucky or unlucky number depending on who you ask. Go into a lot of older buildings with elevators and you’ll find that the elevators just skip the 13th floor. I think that’s disingenuous. If I was signing a lease in that building and got a space on the 14th floor, I’d know it was really the 13th floor. You aren’t fooling anyone, Murphy Elevator Company.

It turns out the number 13 is considered significant worldwide because of the use of solar-lunar calendars. Back before the Caesars got their hands on the calendar, most cultures divided up the year by lunar cycles. There are approximately 12.41 lunations per solar year, and hence 12 “true months” plus a smaller, and often portentous, thirteenth month. Then, people arbitrarily decided Judas Iscariot was the 13th person at the Last Supper, which isn’t supported by any biblical evidence that I’m aware of. Yes, his betrayal partially led to Jesus’s death by crucifixion, but that was all part of the plan, dummies.

Friday the 13th, which we’ll have next month, is considered especially unlucky because ILLUMINATI CONSPIRACY! Sort of. Friday the 13th of October, 1307 was the date King Philip IV of France had a bunch of Knights Templar tortured and executed for what I’m sure were reasons, and now the Masons control everything, even Nicholas Cage. Another reason is lunar cycles were associated with femininity, and heaven knows we men couldn’t have THAT, so we made women feel bad for being associated with a damn number. Idiots.

Anyway, here’s some soccer news: