SPRANG BRAKE is coming your way if you happen to have kids or are married or otherwise involved with someone with kids that are school-aged. Many (so many) of you will be packing up your cars/vans/SUVs full of beach stuff you won’t even use. I was cleaning out my garage last weekend and found no fewer than three blow-up swim rings that were exactly alike. Absurd.

You’ll also pack way more clothes than you need and food you may or may not totally devour before you make it down to Florida. If it’s a real beach vacation, all you need is two swimsuits, three t-shirts, and a pair of flip flops. That’s literally it. Of course, if you’re from Louisville, you’re probably going to the north coast of Florida. While it’s not too far of a drive, Florabama is much colder this time of year than you remember, even though you go there every. damn. year.

When you get there, you’ll be able to hang out with your neighbors and old high school friends you thought you were going to avoid for a few days. You probably won’t have remembered to pack sunscreen or beach chairs, though, which is how all those shops down near the water manage to stay in business year in and year out. But the one thing you’ll take back with you is all the *memories*! Plus a bad sunburn, maybe a hideous airbrush t-shirt, and a grudge against someone for a reason you only dimly yet sourly remember. SPRANG BRAKE!