Mmmmkay.

by Taylor Sorrels (@taylorsorrels)

Switching up the pre-game formats here. Anyone can write a “here’s what I think will happen” article. This stuff’s DEEP, man.

  • WHEN: Saturday, April 25, 7:30 p.m.
  • WHERE: Slugger Field, Louisville Kentucky
  • WHO: Tulsa Roughnecks FC: 4 points, 1-2-1, 9th in Western Conference. 1st year in USL Pro, though they’re quite fond of reminding folks that there was an NASL team of the same name the year before the original incarnation of that league folded.
  • BROADCAST: Since you’re coming to the game AND bringing a friend, you won’t be needing this handy-dandy YouTube embedded video:

  • WHAT: A soccer game against what was probably the worst team in the whole league until they put a four spot on Seattle last week and upped their Goals For total from one to five. This will be Tulsa’s first game away from ONEOK (because there certainly shouldn’t be two) Field. Let’s forget our genial and hospitable nature for one game and make these guys miss home before the halftime whistle even blows.
  • WHO, AGAIN? Tulsa’s got a pretty long roster with 20 outfield players. LCFC has 15 at the moment, including a loanee, an out for an indeterminate period of time Guy Abend, and a recovering Cameron Lancaster who hasn’t seen a minute of playing time in four games. So 13 outfield players, really. And they’re racking up the minutes. Meanwhile, Tulsa, who doesn’t even have an MLS affiliate, has started 17 different players in four games. So the yin and yang of roster rotation philosophies/realities here. The good news is, Tulsa might not be all that good.
  • WEATHER: Better bring a poncho, some brown liquor, and some waterproof boots. Good advice for rain or shine, really.
  • WHO TO WATCH (ONE  MORE TIME): Though he seems to only play about 45 minutes a game, Tulsa’s No. 10 Lucas Cordeiro looks to be a dangerous player. Louisville City scouts have also identified Gibson Bardsley, a thespian if I’ve ever heard of one, as a threat on goal. He leads the team in shots AND yellow cards, so that should be a fun time for Connor Shanosky and company on Saturday.
  • SUPPORTERS: The Roustabouts, which has something to do with oil. Too many syllables for my taste, but guess you’ve gotta hang your hard hat on something. BTW, hard hats are the second dumbest item of stadium accouterments next to the vuvuzela. Unless you’re on a job site or a member of the Village People, you shouldn’t be wearing one.
  • STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALUE: 
PURPLE COWS RUFFNEXX
Goals For 5 5
Goals Against 3 8
Shots Bourbon 3.2% ABV beer
Shots on Goal % 43.3 44.4
Fouls 42 30
YC/RC 7/0 5/0
GK Save % 66.7 72.7

 

  • HEY REMEMBER WHEN THIS HAPPENED? 

  • PREGAME TWEET GAME: This is all they could come up with…

    I think someone had to petition the courts in Oklahoma to add an extra “E” to their first name.

  • ACTUAL MARCH TO THE MATCH: You can start anywhere on Whiskey Row, really, but we’d recommend Patrick O’Shea’s, Troll Pub, or Sidebar. The march usually starts about an hour before first kick. Be there. Buy local beers from local sellers. Your hangover will thank you on Sunday
  • POST GAME: Against the Grain. Ball Control is the truth. Get in.
  • GO CITY.