At least one of these guys is playing in Louisville on Saturday.

by Taylor Sorrels (@taylorsorrels)

Written while watching St. Louis’s opening minute goal against Toronto FC II on Thursday night, then watching them immediately concede the equalizer. This is fun!

WHO: Toronto FC II: Electric Boogaloo 1-4-1, 4 points, 11th in USL Eastern Conference.

WHAT: A soccer game against goalscoring machine Louisville City FC, fresh off a home thrashing of Wilmington Hammerheads.

WHEN: Saturday, March 16, 2014 at 7:30 p.m. EST.

WHERE: Fortress Louisville, aka Slugger Field.

WHY: Because it’s on the USL schedule, and Toronto FC needed another way to disappoint its fans.

BROADCAST: Handy in case your grandma wants to know what you do on Saturday nights during soccer season:

WHO, AGAIN? Toronto FC II, The New Batch, one of three MLS 2 teams in USL’s Eastern Conference. Toronto’s academy actually has a pretty good reputation, and their roster has a healthy handful of TFC academy products as well as loanees from the MLS side. All told, 25 players have already played for TFCII: Judgment Day in their six games, but there are a few players that have consistently appeared for the Little Reds so far this season: F Molham Babouli, M Chris Manella, D Wesley Charpie, M Jay Chapman, F Jordan Hamilton, and M Adam Bouchard all have at least 350 minutes. Three of those guys are from the big club, so maybe this little experiment is working for Torontwo, except for the whole “winning games” part.

Statistically, Toronto FC, First Blood Part II is a pretty bad team. They average just over a goal per game, while giving up 2.33. Part of that has to do with the fact that they’ve earned three red cards already this season, and have given up two penalty kick goals. That said, Toronto 2, The Spy who Shagged Me (And Then Apologized About It) lost to league leading Rochester Rhinos last weekend in the dying gasps of that game, and probably deserved a point. Their style changes a little every game, but they cut Saint Louis to pieces on the counterattack on Thursday night. Here’s hoping that they ran their Canadian legs into maple syrup so Enrique Montano can do something cool on Saturday night, eh?

I should also mention that the Toronto FC 2: The Second One has yet to play a home game, and their game on Saturday will be their eighth road game of the season. So that has to suck. For them.

WEATHER: The storms should be gone by game time, so you’re out of excuses if you don’t go. You should go. You’re going, right? Good.

STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY:

SUPPORTERS: Toronto I actually has some pretty serious support despite the club’s general inability to get out of its own way. TFC2, Revenge of the Fallen Maple Leafs hasn’t played a home game yet, like I said, but if they’re anything like the other MLS 2 clubs, they’ll probably have to resort to offering their fans [looks up what Canadians eat] free pancakes and some Molson Ice to get them to come to games. Too bad. For them, of course. This, unfortunately, obviates the need for the Pre Game Tweet Game. Dammit.