Having second thoughts about that road trip, aren’t you?

by Taylor Sorrels (@taylorsorrels)

WHO: St. Louis FC.

WHAT: A USL match, the second in the Kings Cup series. Louisville City is 1-0, +2 goal difference, in case you forgot. You probably didn’t.

WHEN: Sunday, May 24, 2015, 8:30 p.m. EST

WHERE: World Wide Technology Soccer Park, Fenton, Missouri. Here’s a link to what comes up when you run a Google Image search for Fenton, Missouri. It’s…a place. With a Barnes & Noble, apparently. So it’s got that going for it.

WHY: The USL decided, based solely on proximity, that St. Louis FC and Louisville City FC should be bitter rivals and play each other four times per year. SOLD. WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH ST. LOUIS. WHY ELSE WOULD I-64 BE SO DESOLATE ONCE YOU CROSS THE OHIO RIVER IF IT DIDN’T LEAD TO AN AWFUL PLACE? The answer is Indiana but we’re saving that for next week’s USOC match.

BROADCAST: There’s still some bus availability maybe, but if you’re not making the trip to invade Fenton, you can watch the game with us at Against the Grain or kick it at home with the YouTube stream here:

WHO, AGAIN? St. Louis FC. First year USL club, just like us. Remind their fans of that. They’ll love it! 3-3-1, 10 points, 1-2-0 and 6th place in the conference.

St. Louis, #SOCCERHOTBED, is actually better on the road than they are at home this season, having won once in four tries at their wonderful, large kinda small grass turf soccer park. I don’t particularly expect that tally to improve on Sunday. Their goal difference is a goose egg, they’ve given up more shots than they’ve taken, and their backup keeper might be better than their typical starter, Mark Pais. All that said, St. Louis does have some pretty good players in Bryan Gaul, Jamiel Hardware, James Musa, Mike Ambersley, and Jeremie Lynch. Whether all of those guys start on Sunday is TBD, as some have been injured. Lynch has only played in five of the team’s games, and was touted as a dangerous goalscorer coming into the season. He’s scored one goal.

Some other things you might not have known about St. Louis:

It’s the deadliest city in America!

Debate team champion, Mark McGwire

Their chief export, aside from sadness, crappy beer that you probably loved in college but hate now, isn’t even American! USA! USA! USA!

Forbes published an article a few years ago called “St. Louis Doesn’t Suck.” Ringing endorsement, that!

STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY:

Good Team Bad Team
Goals For 14 7
Goals Against 4 7
Shots Bourbon Bud ICE
TSR 0.574 0.483
Stupid metal arches 0 1

 

SUPPORTERS: OK, so the Louligans are legit. I truly hope this team doesn’t sink in the next six months and leave them wandering the soccer desert once again. That said, some people got wayyyyy too excited for Donnie Garbs’ visit to town. He’s not Obama or anything. He’s just commissioner of MLS, and all he said was (paraphrasing) “Uh, hey, y’all come up with some money, we’ll talk.” Which is the same thing he’s told every other metropolitan area in the top 50 MSAs in the country. So let’s not get carried away, St. Lunatics.

PRE-GAME TWEET GAME: I’ll be honest, we do kinda sorta provoke St. Louis and its fans on Twitter whenever we can. That said, this guy is just wonderful:

A real gem, that one.

GO CITY.