WHO: New York Red Bulls II, 0-0-1, 6th place in the Eastern Conference

WHAT: Louisville City’s first USL home match of 2015!!!11!1!ONE!!!

WHEN: Saturday, April 2, 2016, 3:00 p.m. EDT

WHERE: Louisville Slugger Field, 401 E. Main Street, Louisville, KY USA, North America, Planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy, The Known Universe

WATCH: You and everyone you know will be there in person. Unless you’re on spring break in Panama City Beach rocking a backwards visor and an airbrush tank top, in which case, you’re totally excused (no, you’re not). But if you really are at PCB, you can watch the YouTube stream here:

WHO, AGAIN? The Junior Red Bulls of New York, not to be confused with the Red Bull Juniors of Brazil, or Germany, or Austria. If you want a complete breakdown of the team, check out our preseason preview of the Baby Bulls by Michael Wells here. Los Toros Pequeños y Rojos opened their season at home last week against Tworonto and found themselves down two goals in front of their loyal tens of fans before clawing their way back to a 2-2 draw.

I’d tell you who their returning players were that saw action in the game, but unfortunately the new USL website (and FC Cincy) thinks that the league didn’t exist before about a week ago so we can’t know about that stuff anymore. What we can say is that Derek Etienne is still on the roster, and is still very good. Gone, though, are the Sugar Frees leading scorer from 2015 Maurius Obekop, along with Manolo Sanchez, Leo Stotlz, and Chris Tsonis. In their place are senior team loanees Brandon Allen (both goals last week) and Tyler Adams, along with returning players Stefano Bonomo, Konrad Plewa, and Vincent Bezecourt.

It’s a roster that’s been through some significant overhaul but obviously is still capable of scoring goals. Dammit.

I personally would love to finally beat this team, as Red Bulls 2, The Red Bullening were the only team City couldn’t get a result from in 2015. CAMERON LANCASTER, YOU ARE ONE OF OUR MANY ONLY HOPES.

STATISTICAL COMPARISON OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY: Y’all didn’t seem to care for my stat stuff last year so I’m gonna pick just one statistic for this category this season that I think is funny and you’ll just have to deal. Both RBNY2 keeper Ryan Meara (on loan from the big club) and Scotty Goodwin faced three shots on goal last week. Meara let in two and saved one. Scotty thinks that’s hilarious.

110% ACCURATE AND RELIABLE PREDICTIONS: The opposition is talented and well coached, but it’s almost a totally new team. Perhaps City is lucky to play the Red Calves early in the season before they get into a rhythm. Yes, that’s it. 2-1 to the guys in purple.

ACTUAL MARCH TO THE MATCH: Join the Coopers at the Troll Pub on 2nd and Washington as early as you like; they’ll be marching to the stadium from Washington Street at about 2:30. Or don’t! It’s a free country! Tailgates are happening everywhere if that’s more your speed, and we’d love to have you along when we get back into Slugger for the first time in 2016.

COME ON, CITY