WHO:

Richmond Kickers, 6-3-15, 21 points, 14th place Eastern Conference

WHAT:

A USL league match

WHEN:

Saturday, August 25, 2018, 7:00 p.m.

WHERE:

City Stadium, 3201 Maplewood Avenue, Richmond, Virginia 23221

WATCH:

TV: WDRB     RADIO: 840 WHAS           STREAM: ESPN+

WHO, AGAIN?

Richmond is bad, y’all. Sadly bad. They’ve scored just 23 goals in 24 games. They’ve conceded 49. Their two goalkeepers have a combined 96 saves. That’s a lot. They’ve only kept two clean sheets all season. They’ve taken 179 unblocked shots all season. Louisville City’s taken 350, and we’re just sixth in the league in that statistic.

Brian Shriver leads the Kickers in goalscoring on the season with seven, followed by Heviel Cordovés with five. I’m kicking myself that one of Shriver’s seven goals was a screamer against our Morados earlier this season. Blind squirrels, I guess. By the way, that’s a very stupid saying. Blind squirrels probably don’t live very long thanks to cars and snakes and raptors and competition for food. Squirrels are only cute and cuddly in Disney cartoons. In real life, they’re complete jerks, just like most other animals. The blind squirrel doesn’t have any squirrel friends or family that’s gonna help him out. Don’t think for a second that if there are two squirrels, and one of them is blind, the non-blind one isn’t gonna do everything in his or her power to screw over the other guy, including taking and/or hiding all the nuts that the blind squirrel is desperately looking for. The chance a blind squirrel actually finds a damn nut is slim to none. Screw you, Brian Shriver.

Anyway, the more interesting thing for me in this game, like the game on Wednesday, is the Wheel of Roster Choices Hackworth is going to spin. Do we see Alexis? James Sands has surely earned another start, so do we take another run with the 4-3-3/4-1-4-1? Who’s gonna start at striker? Who is even available in the attacking midfield? Is that Kyle Smith riding on a Hoveround? Did Richie become left-footed during his layoff? Why is Connor Shanosky crying? I liked Connor, he doesn’t deserve this.

Let’s go get three points. VAMOS MORADOS, VAMOS A GANAR!