WHO:

FC Cincinnati, 8-3-2, 27 points, 4th in USL Eastern Conference

WHAT:

Part 2 of the River Cities Cup Dirty River Derby. Please Notice Us Don Garber Cup. El Plastico.

WHEN:

Saturday, June 25, 2016, 7:30 EDT

WHERE:

Louisville Slugger Field, 401 E. Main Street, Louisville, KY 40202, US of Freakin’ A, man.

WATCH:

You’ll be there. This is a big game. These guys think they’re the bees’ knees. THEY AREN’T. So show up, wear purple, and be loud. But if you can’t be there because you’re stranded on the International Space Station, well, first, thanks for your service, and second, you can still go nuts for the Kings on MeTV or ESPN3. Also, Heather Mitts is going to be on the broadcast as a sideline reporter, which is a bonus for those watching the game AND those in the stands. She was a good soccerer! We’ll ignore the part where she’s from Cincinnati unless it becomes convenient.

Heather Mitts, American Heroine.

Here’s the deets on MeTV if you need them:

WHO, AGAIN?

They’re our closest competition, geographically speaking. They sell a lot of tickets to their home games. They’ve got more sponsors than a lower-level NASCAR racing team. They’ve taken to calling our city “Suckville,” which is about par for the course in the FCC-supporters originality department. I’m embarrassed for them, FFS.

To be fair, though, they’rebringing a lot of people to the game. The FCC front office nearly sold out of their 550 away ticket allotment as of Sunday or Monday. They’re bringing this pretty cool tailgating contraption to the Preston Street lot on game day.

Know who else had a lot of fans and cool toys who liked to invade their neighbors? I’ll let you guess, but it rhymes with Yahtzees.

ANYWAY, ABOUT THE SOCCER?

Cincy’s having a pretty good inaugural season. They’re on a 9 game unbeaten streak, their last loss coming from US at THEIR GARGANTUAN STADIUM. That was fun! The Knifey Soccer Gryphons have scored the second-most goals in our conference, and are pretty good at getting shots on target – about half are on goal. Defensively, they’ve also improved, and only allow about a shot more per game than Louisville do. Sean Okoli, their center forward, leads the team in shots and goals, with seven on the season so far. FCC also has some height, if not speed, in their back line, which makes them dangerous on set pieces, one of Elsie’s few vulnerabilities.

This is the kind of team, though, that likes to play right into Louisville’s hands. They want to possess the ball and high press, and seem to believe that’s the way to try and beat our Kings.

There isn’t a team in this league that exploits space due to that style of play that better than Team Purple. With Louisville’s speed on the wings (assuming Dacres and Kaye are healthy) and up front, it might be incredibly easy to blow past Cincinnati’s back line off a turnover or a counter. Come at us, Cincy. PLEASE. It’ll be like Jon Snow and the Wildlings versus the Boltons, except the knights of the Vale don’t show up and bail your asses out.

TOTALLY REASONABLE AND UNBIASED PREDICTION:

Louisville City ELEVENTY, FCC negative a zillion. For real, though, this is a good team, but one that I think Louisville can pick apart if O’Connor’s crew has enough legs after a midweek game against Toronto. Let’s get it.

COME ON, CITY