by Taylor Sorrels (@taylorsorrels)

Our more or less weekly roundup of USL news. Best enjoyed with coffee or the beer your friends left in your fridge last weekend.

Louisville City FC’s first game is in the books, and with three points, there we are in second place in the conference! Oh, and down at the bottom, look! There’s St. Louis. Get used to it, Chupacabras, we expect you’ll be down there for quite some time. Here’s what else went on last weekend:

• One thing’s for sure about the Charleston Battery: if you go to one of their games, you’re gonna see a lot of goals. Lucky for them, they score more than they give up, beating Charlotte 2:3 on Friday.
• Either Pittsburgh Riverhounds’ offense is a buzzsaw, or Harrisburg City Islanders’s defense had their boots on the wrong feet. A high press and a Kevin Kerr hat trick led to PGH 5:2 HCI in the first round of the Keystone Cup.
• Surprising exactly no one, Seattle Sounders 2 and Portland Timbers 2 are killing their Western Conference opponents. SSFC2 scored another four spot, this time on Vancouver, and the non-rollercoaster version of T2 defeated Fake Salt Lake 3:1 on Sunday.
• In non-game news, the ever-expanding USL might already have its first new team for the 2016 season in the Rio Grande Valley Vipers. RGV, which sounds a lot like a professional wrestler when you say it like that, is an independent entity in the sense that an MLS club does not own the organization, but it appears that Houston Dynamo will control soccer operations for the club. RGV also runs an NBA Development League team for the Houston Rockets. Plans appear to be in the works for a soccer-specific stadium already.
• NON-SEQUITUR: The Coopers are working on drums, noise, etc. But we kind of wish the drummer(s) from St. Louligans would’ve done this after they lost.