Alright, everyone, it’s time for what you’ve all been waiting for: POWERBALL THE 2016 USL SCHEDULE! Let’s dive right in.

Starting the season out on the road: less than ideal. It was going to happen to someone, though. Charlotte, you’ll recall, was problematic for Elsie last season, as they handed us our first ever loss, and we only won 1-0 at home after the Independence were whistiled for a questionable handball in the box. So the path starts off a little rough.

Then, our first two home games are against MLS 2 teams, who aren’t exactly big-ticket draws. That said, at least NYRB II tries, and they beat City twice last season. Some early season revenge would be nice. Then comes Orlando City B, whom I fear will have kits exactly like ours. That’ll be a little weird. Also, OCB knows how to play and win in USL, and their roster thus includes some pretty good talent, including former A-teamer Lewis Neal.

NEXT, our first match against the Cincinnati Flying Soccer Lion Kings on April 16. Mark it on your calendar, because you’re going. Yes, you. It’s gonna be a bloodbath, where the blood is orange and blue and very sad. Then another road trip to the Harrisburg goat farm, and a home date against Pittsburgh to round out April.

There’s a little congestion in the first part of May, as the Purples will play three games in about ten days, two of which will be on the road at Bethlehem Steel and Torontwo. Louisville City will only be at home once in May, but it’s a good one, a resumption of the Kings Cup rivalry with the hated St. Louisans. June gets a bit better with home games against Wilmington, TFC II and FCC, but the end of the month again sees some schedule congestion with three games in seven days, starting on the road in Rochester. Ugh.

Moving into July, things space out better, starting with another July 4 home game, this time against FC Montreal. WE MUST DESTROY THEM FOR THEIR MISDEEDS ON BEACH NIGHT. Then we have three home games in August and two in September, the last one being a bookend match at home against Charlotte.

Some random observations:

• Glad we get to resume the Kings Cup with St. Louis FC, even if it’s just two games instead of four. The away match in that series will be on September 17. BE THERE.
• We play the Soccer Lion Birds three times, but they get the benefit of two home matches to our one. That’s kind of a bummer, so we’ll just have to score like 20 goals or something. It’ll be great! There are rumblings among the Coopers that we’ll start a new rivalry trophy with them, so keep a lookout for more news on that front.
• City didn’t fare too well on less than a week’s rest last season, and there are three clotted parts of the schedule that worry me: Late April/early May, mid to late June, and most of August. That doesn’t even consider the U.S. Open Cup, which I have to believe will again be a priority for the club. A little more roster depth will do wonders for our guys’ stamina, so here’s hoping we get to do more NEW PLAYER ALERT posts soon.
• This is going to be a fun season. Make plans now for road trips to Cincinnati on April 16 and July 23. I want Louisville City to OWN that stadium. Plus, Cincinnati’s got a lot of good beer, as much as it pains me to admit it.

GET YOUR TICKETS. WEAR YOUR PURPLE. COME ON CITY!