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Monday Morning Centerback: Last minute gift ideas!

Hey, y’all. It’s been pretty quiet on our end since the flames of celebratory fire couches died down back in November. Not a lot has happened since then. Yes, we’ve lost some players. And we signed a new one. And the club let you all vote on 2018’s third kit presented by adidasTM. Too many of you chose poorly IMO but whatever. That’s the great thing about art, it’s totally subjective. And you just learned that third kits are art, and definitely not a new revenue stream for our club. The more you know!

Anyhoo – with the general dry nature of club and USL-related news recently, I decided to draw up a list of last-minute gift ideas that we LouCity fans might want to get for Christmas or Kwanzaa or Hanukkah/Chanukkah or whatever Pastafarians celebrate as 2017 draws to a close. Most of these are not real and, unfortunately, are not available in the LouCity online store, but check ’em out anyway:

  • A lifetime contract extension for James O’Connor
  • Beer taps at every seat in the new stadium
  • State approval for the tax-increment financing district at the new stadium
  • A Louisville City youth academy that miraculously doesn’t upset the obscenely complex and fragile political structure of youth soccer in Kentuckiana
  • Or just a Louisville City youth academy that says damn the torpedoes (RIP Tom Petty)
  • Bourbon
  • A women’s team
  • FC Cincinnati’s MLS bid rejected so we can make fun of them
  • FC Cincinnati’s MLS bid accepted so they go away
  • Me, but on even more podcasts
  • Lionel Messi
  • A left-footed defender
  • Qatari cooling technology but only to support James O’Connor’s epic struggle to defeat the sun and its rays
  • A time-machine that only works to go back and make the USMNT qualify for Russia 2018
  • The opposite of that last one because USSF needs to get woke and stay woke
  • A guy whose name easily fits into the “Who Ate All the Pies” song
  • A replicant for Tom Farmer so he really CAN be in several places at once
  • Tacos

Those are just some of my ideas. I’ve got lots more. Tweet ’em at us. Signing off for now, unless something cool happens in the waning days of this calendar year. COME ON, CITY!