FC Montréal, as in Canada, also as in NOT AMERICA, 7 points, 2-1-12, 14th place Eastern Conference
A USL match on AMERICA’S BIRTHDAY, Y’ALL
241 years after the DECLARATION OF SCREW YOU, ENGLAND a/k/a July 4, 2016, 7:30 pm
Slugger Field, 401 E. Main Street, Louisville, Kentucky, the 15th state admitted to these UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GOD BLEEEESSSSSSS THE YOUUU ESS AAAAAAAYYYYYYY [STEVE GREENWOOD MUSICAL NOTE EMOJIS]
With us! At Slugger Field! It’ll be fun! The March to the Match starts at the Troll Pub on 2nd and Washington, but feel free to pregame in the parking lot/avant garde brewery of your choice and join us when it starts, right about 7:00.
If you can’t make it because you accidentally injured yourself with fireworks celebrating AMERICA, which is really the only acceptable absence from this game I can think of, you can watch it in the ER on your phone or tablet on YouTube right here:
FC Montréal is terrible. I mean, really bad. Worse than they were when we played them on Beach Night last year. It is easy, and totally justifiable, to dismiss them out of hand as a bad team that the Kings should score no fewer than four goals on. But that’s what we did last time the Canadian Frenchies visited town, and we got a Napoleon vs. Rest of Europe asskicking to show for it. I have no doubt James O’Connor remembers that, and will have the troops ready to marchons, marchons.
STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY:
Wars won against England: Louisville City, which is part of AMERICA, 1, FC Poutine, 0
Bills of Rights: LCFC, USA: 1, FC Montreal, IDK
Universal Healthcare for All Citizens: why you gotta be like that
Beer Cans with your Country’s Name on Them: dammit, it’s a tie
PREDICTIONS TIGHTER THAN TSA SECURITY AT THE AIRPORT:
On America’s birthday? It’s America (via Louisville City) 3-0 Not America.
COME ON, AMERICAN CITY! OF LOUISVILLE! THIS IS A BAD CHEER!
Have a happy and safe Fourth of July!