by Taylor Sorrels (@taylorsorrels)
Our more or less weekly roundup of USL news. Best enjoyed with coffee or the beer your friends left in your fridge last weekend.
Week 5 is in the books, friends. Or Week 4. Or 6. It’s hard to tell; the schedule is all over the place, yet a drastic improvement over years past. Last week, Colorado Springs Switchbacks Football Club Incorporated Unlimited attempted to recreate the USMNT v Costa Rica world cup qualifier from a couple years ago against Real Monarchs but with way more scoring, Sounders 2 cool off really fast, and the Battery finally drop points, just not all of them.
- How did Colorado Springs decide that SFC was going to be their shortlink moniker for scoreboards? My kids have foam alphabet letters they play with in the bathtub, and they like to just randomly put those letters in no particular order on the wall of the tub from time to time. The Switchbacks could probably do the same thing with multiple available combinations for each game. Anyway, they played Real Monarchs last week to a 5-2 win that featured TWO penalty kicks, a snow storm, and more fans in said snow storm than there were at Highmark Stadium yesterday. This coming after the Monarchs struggled to draw 10 man Timbers 2 a week ago, so things aren’t looking real good in SLC so far.
- The Battery were setting the league on fire in a role reversal with William T. Sherman thus far in the USL season, collecting 9 points in three games. Then, sometimes-USL team Red Bull New York II visited Blackbaud Stadium, actually playing with USL players this week, and took a point away in a 1-1 game that their MLS club thinks the Baby Bulls should’ve won.
- The Sounders 2 looked like they’d be dominating the West, winning their first three matches by a combined score of 10-3. Yikes. However, their roll was slowed last week, first in Tulsa against the Energy in a 4-3 loss (damn if they still didn’t score 3 goals), and then again on Saturday against Oklahoma City Energy, losing 2-1. I’m sure Texans will have some airtight theory about the natural properties of Oklahoma and Oklahomans that will fully explain why Seattle kind of sucks at playing in that state.
- STLOL: those rubes lost again, this time at home against what we know is a pretty good Rochester Rhinos team. Somehow there are still four teams in the East that are even worse. Somehow. But y’all keep it up with the baseball jokes, those will never get old.
NON-SEQUITUR: I happen to own a small dog. It was part of the kit that came with my now-wife when we met. He is white, fuzzy, very yappy, weighs about five pounds, and would be a snack if I ever brought him to this particular veterinarian’s office.